The Top 10 Things Every Green Blogger Must Do (Parody)

Twilight Earth makes fun of itself with 10 Things Every Green Blogger Must Do.

1.  Create some type of Green top 10 list.

Top 10 lists are cool, right? I mean it’s what brought you here in the first place! A lot of people who seem to know what they are talking about, keep telling bloggers that the one thing that is lacking in readers is an attention span. What better way for the newbie blogger to cut his teeth on some instant traffic, than to whip up a top 10 list? This is the equivalent of journalistic Ramen Noodles!

2.  Write at least one article each on CFL’s, Polar Bears and Al Gore.

Nothing says “I’m an environmentalist” more than conjuring up an image in your readers minds of Al Gore riding a polar bear while proudly displaying a CFL. In fact, while going to see the movie “The Golden Compass“, I kept hoping to see an Al Gore like character, riding a polar bear into battle with a low energy type light emitting weapon. Wait! Maybe I did see that!

3.  Create a Twitter account and start following @TreeHugger, @Grist, and @PlanetGreen.

These guys are powerhouses not only in online environmental media circles, but on Twitter as well. These are the guys you try to model yourself after, and after all, who doesn’t like big Green friends? (Accidentally dropping the F-bomb to 17,000 followers while trying to send a direct message to 1 person is always good for a laugh too! Thanks for the help with the cover up on that one too, @balmeras!)

4.  Write one article titled “It’s not easy being Green.”

I must admit, we kind of cheated on this one, but apparently, there are a lot of other bloggers who did not. Honestly though, if there is one phrase that drives me up the wall, it’s that one!

5.  Put up lots and lots of photos.

Everybody loves a photo, and they are easy and fun to do!

6.  Use the word “Green” as often as possible and always make sure you capitalize the word “Green.”

So Green is Cliche, you say? Well, Green is also the new Brown.

7.  Create an article about a company or organization that is counter to everything you stand for.

This is great for getting the word out on the street about the low down dealings of the planet polluters. It’s also great for comments and controversy. (And hey, now I can say that I’ve been called a Commie Marxist Socialist, on my resume!)

8.  Make sure that you have a photo of yourself in which you look like you are either hiking a trail, or just getting off work.

If you don’t photograph well,  (like me) go through the thousands of photographs of yourself that have been taken in the last 10 years and pick the one that sucks less.

9.  Don’t take yourself too seriously. Ever. Really. You don’t want to turn into that Commie Marxist Socialist that people keep calling you!

10. Always keep them guessing.

Related posts:

1. Green Wont Be The Norm, Until We Stop Calling Things Green
2. The Largest Green Plan To Date – The “Green New Deal”
3. Do Nothing – And Call it Green